"gender-detachment" was the word i needed. ive been thinking about my identity as an asexual woman for months, and even testing the words "nonbinary" or "genderfluid" just to see how they feel. they all feel weird and not right for me, but i feel like "woman" is just something i was given and am, and i don't really care whether or not that should change. i also know i feel uncomfortable being evaluated or boxed into things because of my gender. whatever im feeling, this post was very affirming and i learned something new about myself!! thank you <3
Thank you for sharing your findings. I couldn't understand why I feel uncomfortable when a lot of emphasis is put on gender or the differences between genders - whilst most people around me seem to be okay with it. It was really affirming to hear that many other ace people feel the same way! <3
This is something I've also noticed as an asexual who is also agender. Something that fascinates me about the agender experience is the line between agender and cassgender (i.e. my gender is there, but it's irrelevant) is often blurry.
I've met a variety of agender people on the r/agender subreddit that feel similar to me, in that they feel they have no gender and never did; we're just human, plain and simple. Others feel that there is a spot for a gender to exist, but it's vacant or its presence has faded over time. And then there are others that feel that their gender is there, is real, but is neutral; in the sense that their gender is a neutral entity, like a neutron particle in physics, I suppose. And then there are agender/cassgender folks, like those described in this article, that just don't care. Gender's influence and significance in their lives is so muted that it's practically irrelevant. Gender apathy, if you will.
However, a growing concern I've had in the agender community is a sneaking in of gender critical ideology, which can quickly dissolve into anti-trans sentiments and radicalization. But it's important to remember that just because I don't have a gender doesn't mean nobody does. Gender roles, stereotypes, and discrimination are harmful, but gender is not the enemy, it's how we as a society treat someone based on their gender (or lack thereof).
Thanks for the question! Based on what I'm seeing, being gender detached and agender are different but can overlap with one another. I think the main difference is that agender entails claiming a gender identity (even if that identity is "not having a gender") while being gender detached doesn't necessarily entail claiming a gender identity. I see gender detachment as different also because it often involves critiquing gender as a lens for understanding the self in general. So identifying as agender is often (though not always!) interpreted as making a claim to a "true self" while gender detachment is more of a political/intellectual critique and less of an identity.
But that said, I think there's overlap between the two, and some of the people I interviewed who communicated gender detachment also identified as agender.
Great to see you bravely going into as- yet uncharted territory. I'm curious - not trying to be contrarian here - why Gender Detached, and not Gender Apathetic? Somehow to me ( ESL speaker trained in the sciences) apathetic sounds more neutral than detached : the standard lexicological equivalent of " whatever!".
" You do your thing, but don't push it in my face, because it's not a thing, a driver, in my life". So disinterested that they can't even be bothered to engage.
Detached sounds more intentional, as if the person is deliberately cultivating a " I'm on a different plane" attitude to communicate their disengagement.
"gender-detachment" was the word i needed. ive been thinking about my identity as an asexual woman for months, and even testing the words "nonbinary" or "genderfluid" just to see how they feel. they all feel weird and not right for me, but i feel like "woman" is just something i was given and am, and i don't really care whether or not that should change. i also know i feel uncomfortable being evaluated or boxed into things because of my gender. whatever im feeling, this post was very affirming and i learned something new about myself!! thank you <3
Thank you for sharing! This feedback means a lot to me.
Thank you for sharing your findings. I couldn't understand why I feel uncomfortable when a lot of emphasis is put on gender or the differences between genders - whilst most people around me seem to be okay with it. It was really affirming to hear that many other ace people feel the same way! <3
I'm glad to hear this resonated with you! I'll be sharing a lot more about this soon.
This is something I've also noticed as an asexual who is also agender. Something that fascinates me about the agender experience is the line between agender and cassgender (i.e. my gender is there, but it's irrelevant) is often blurry.
I've met a variety of agender people on the r/agender subreddit that feel similar to me, in that they feel they have no gender and never did; we're just human, plain and simple. Others feel that there is a spot for a gender to exist, but it's vacant or its presence has faded over time. And then there are others that feel that their gender is there, is real, but is neutral; in the sense that their gender is a neutral entity, like a neutron particle in physics, I suppose. And then there are agender/cassgender folks, like those described in this article, that just don't care. Gender's influence and significance in their lives is so muted that it's practically irrelevant. Gender apathy, if you will.
However, a growing concern I've had in the agender community is a sneaking in of gender critical ideology, which can quickly dissolve into anti-trans sentiments and radicalization. But it's important to remember that just because I don't have a gender doesn't mean nobody does. Gender roles, stereotypes, and discrimination are harmful, but gender is not the enemy, it's how we as a society treat someone based on their gender (or lack thereof).
Is there a difference between being gender detached and agender?
Thanks for the question! Based on what I'm seeing, being gender detached and agender are different but can overlap with one another. I think the main difference is that agender entails claiming a gender identity (even if that identity is "not having a gender") while being gender detached doesn't necessarily entail claiming a gender identity. I see gender detachment as different also because it often involves critiquing gender as a lens for understanding the self in general. So identifying as agender is often (though not always!) interpreted as making a claim to a "true self" while gender detachment is more of a political/intellectual critique and less of an identity.
But that said, I think there's overlap between the two, and some of the people I interviewed who communicated gender detachment also identified as agender.
Hi Canton,
Great to see you bravely going into as- yet uncharted territory. I'm curious - not trying to be contrarian here - why Gender Detached, and not Gender Apathetic? Somehow to me ( ESL speaker trained in the sciences) apathetic sounds more neutral than detached : the standard lexicological equivalent of " whatever!".
" You do your thing, but don't push it in my face, because it's not a thing, a driver, in my life". So disinterested that they can't even be bothered to engage.
Detached sounds more intentional, as if the person is deliberately cultivating a " I'm on a different plane" attitude to communicate their disengagement.
You might find this forum thread relevant to this piece. It was even linked there.
https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/265414-gender-apathy