As the years pass, I am gaining clarity into what “attraction” means to me. Too bad it’s taken decades and I wish I had figured this out long ago. What I know now is that for me, attraction has ZERO to do with sexual feelings. And yes, I feel strong attraction to mostly men, but it can occur occasionally with women. Again - not sexual at all - but a desire to be with the person, talk with them, be close to them, etc. I don’t know if this makes me bisexual - it’s the whole human I find attractive and not just their parts.
I really would like for research to show that we are not “sick,” “abnormal,” “unhealthy” or “in need of medication” and that sex acts don’t equate with love for some people. The portrayal and discussion of sexuality in media is toxic and damaging. Not a day goes by that something is said on TV that says I have mental issues or that people like me are in need of intensive therapy.
Wonderful! I'm another asexual bisexual and it baffles me that other people find this complicated, but you're so right that the majority of people tend to treat these different aspects of relationality as unified when I don't experience them that way.
I can't believe no one else has been talking about this in academia, but I'm so glad you are. Congratulations on being a pioneer in this area, and thanks for listening to us enough to pick up on it. I'm consistently impressed by the way in which you articulate for allo people things that ace people have long talked about among ourselves. You're doing great work!
Thank you for this article. This split is somewhat why I struggle with identifying which "letter" in the queer alphabet is me. I say I'm queer, but and when people ask me for details... well, I'm a little flummoxed because no matter what I say, it's not going tobe right and they're not going to stand still for a five minute mini-dissertation on the difference between romantic and sexual attraction. (I'm reminded of someone -- you probably know who but I've forgotten -- it might be Jane Ward -- who said that if you have to explain your sexuality to a straight person, you're queer.)
Your sexual/romantic divide doesn't quite describe my situation, which is... complicated. But it's nice to know someone's looking into the matter. :-)
I'd love to hear more about your situation, if you don't mind sharing. (You can also feel free to email me at cwiner@niu.edu). I think the romantic/sexual split is a useful starting point, but I see a lot of room to build this conversation even further.
As the years pass, I am gaining clarity into what “attraction” means to me. Too bad it’s taken decades and I wish I had figured this out long ago. What I know now is that for me, attraction has ZERO to do with sexual feelings. And yes, I feel strong attraction to mostly men, but it can occur occasionally with women. Again - not sexual at all - but a desire to be with the person, talk with them, be close to them, etc. I don’t know if this makes me bisexual - it’s the whole human I find attractive and not just their parts.
I really would like for research to show that we are not “sick,” “abnormal,” “unhealthy” or “in need of medication” and that sex acts don’t equate with love for some people. The portrayal and discussion of sexuality in media is toxic and damaging. Not a day goes by that something is said on TV that says I have mental issues or that people like me are in need of intensive therapy.
Wonderful! I'm another asexual bisexual and it baffles me that other people find this complicated, but you're so right that the majority of people tend to treat these different aspects of relationality as unified when I don't experience them that way.
I can't believe no one else has been talking about this in academia, but I'm so glad you are. Congratulations on being a pioneer in this area, and thanks for listening to us enough to pick up on it. I'm consistently impressed by the way in which you articulate for allo people things that ace people have long talked about among ourselves. You're doing great work!
Thank you for this article. This split is somewhat why I struggle with identifying which "letter" in the queer alphabet is me. I say I'm queer, but and when people ask me for details... well, I'm a little flummoxed because no matter what I say, it's not going tobe right and they're not going to stand still for a five minute mini-dissertation on the difference between romantic and sexual attraction. (I'm reminded of someone -- you probably know who but I've forgotten -- it might be Jane Ward -- who said that if you have to explain your sexuality to a straight person, you're queer.)
Your sexual/romantic divide doesn't quite describe my situation, which is... complicated. But it's nice to know someone's looking into the matter. :-)
I'd love to hear more about your situation, if you don't mind sharing. (You can also feel free to email me at cwiner@niu.edu). I think the romantic/sexual split is a useful starting point, but I see a lot of room to build this conversation even further.
sure, i’d be happy to, to the extent I understand it myself. I'll email you and then you can share as you will.